The Divine Conundrum of Life

She sits across from me completely absorbed in her current life’s drama.  I silently wonder if she can hear what she is saying, or is she so lost in herself that she can’t be an objective observer?  I don’t think she can.

Her dilemma; a housemate who is an addict and living off of her has just told her that he wants to move out, but wants her to keep his room and their friendship in case he doesn’t make it on his own.  

Since they met a year earlier I have thought this man wants a mother figure.  She is a warm, caring, and generous person.   More than anything she wants a relationship and her hope has been he would be that for her.  She says she has never been in a good relationship that takes her, her wants and needs into consideration.

 

Her fantasy of a relationship holds out this hope with him.  His need to be nurtured catches him in the desires for her to care for him like a mother he has never had.  Together they are headed for catastrophe.  Occasionally she sees glimpses of this, but her desire to be loved keeps her from realizing the significance of this situation.

This is when the divine conundrum comes into play.  The Lela, the divine play in life holds these two beings in her grasp and neither can see a solution to this conundrum.  He wants to flee as long as she will hold his place for him, and she wants him to stay and be in a relationship with her.  Neither will happen as these two fantasize it will.

She cannot be his mother and he cannot be her lover.  They each are searching for a missing piece of themselves and neither realizes that the missing pieces can only be found within their own psyches. 

Humans seem to seek outside themselves the things that they are missing within.  No one has been the product of perfect parenting, and all have things that are missing or incomplete within.  At some point in human maturational development a needed lesson is to learn to seek within. 

 

The above described relationship points directly to this.  He is an un-mothered child who has sought love, acceptance, and nurturing from people and situations that can never provide this.  She is relationship starved and looks for love and acceptance through trying to always be there for others, and in doing so she abandons herself.  Both of these people abandon themselves when they search outward for a solution to their lives.  It is only within self that this solution will be found.

An old song echoes in my mind; “looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces”; seeking outside self is an immediate abandonment of self.  In this situation each person has abandoned themselves by hoping the other person can fill them.  To become whole we must learn to fill the hole in ourselves with love and acceptance; then we can begin the journey to the Beloved....